It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
