Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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