i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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