I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
