Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
