4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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