I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
