if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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