If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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