Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
