Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
