And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Shame - the story of my life.
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