In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
