And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
did you just send me my own nude
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
