I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
