I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
