I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
