well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
