the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
