Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
