need another drink. this is the easiest way
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
