there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
