my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
