I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
