someone get that fucking seahorse.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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