This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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