there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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