Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
