shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
