shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Send us your Text From Last Night!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
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