You don't have asthma, your pregnant
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
