Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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