We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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