Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
