nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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