Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
