we're chasing vodka with high fives
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
