i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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