I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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