my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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