Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
