I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
