Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
