Dual....:-)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
