I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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