And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
