before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
