We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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