I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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