Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
