Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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