Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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