Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
