just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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