who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
