Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
