she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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