Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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