and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I touched a dick in church today
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
