Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is my gift to your gina
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
