Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize