shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
