2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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