those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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