the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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