I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
