So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
