I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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