so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
