I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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