I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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