clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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