Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
