Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
