You don't have asthma, your pregnant
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
