we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
