I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I will be naked everywhere
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
