Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
